If a swear word offends you … don’t read this post. If you want your marriage to last forever … read this post. There’s this lady and this man I know, they are going through a divorce. The marriage looked was good, the house was incredible, the kids were all happy, all seemed fine, yet here they are going through a divorce. BastardBitch! One day it went crazy. He came home from work and said to her … “I’m leaving” Frozen to the spot with shock, fear and horror in reply she said “why?”. He simply said… “I’ve had enough” He had packed secretly two weeks before so he simply turned and walked out then drove to his pre-arranged shelter. The guy was normal, nothing special, just a regular guy doing regular stuff. Working hard, slaving hard, doing the things in life he could to keep his family happy.
He had now gone.
She sat there in absolute shock, tears, wailing and feeling like death could be an option for her.
Of course it wasn’t and within days the upset turned to utter anger. Anger like she had and would never show again. She called him every name, every word, ever abuse that could leave her tongue. Everything in the home became a reminder of him. She destroyed it. She vowed from that day she would never speak to him again. As far as she was concerned he as a bastard!
As he sat alone in his scruffy bedsit crying, missing his kids and dwelling in his life he increasingly became depressed. His mind would wander daily, by the minute, by the second. He never wanted to leave, he wanted the perfect life. She never wanted him to leave, she wanted the perfect life. Now they were both living in a period of chaotic transition that there would be no turning back from.
2 years later, he wonders why she never came to go crazy at him and then love him back to her home, her nest, her room of passion.
2 years later she is still confused as to why he went. She tells everyone she was the perfect wife.
She tells everyone he is a bastard! The divorce arrives. The end has come. They both start again. He hasn’t seen her for nearly 5 years now. He goes to the home to pick up his kids. She never comes to the door. As far as she is concerned he is still that bastard!
This is an interesting game of life based clearly on 55% of the population right now. Sad but real. Messy but able to be cleaned. So what went wrong? The Man should have had the manliness to speak to her about how he felt. He didn’t, he knew that when he did in the past she would accuse him of paranoia and other moaning about nothing. He never feared her but feared upsetting her. The woman should have shown the love and listened to him. She should have shown him the patience and love he wanted to be heard. She didn’t. She felt his opinion was invalid. She never said that, her actions did. He blew. She took the full force. Have you been through this? Have you hit a period like this in your life? Is it 2, 5, 10 or more years ago? Yet you still tell people like it was yesterday. Whenever the opportunity arrives for you to talk about your ex husband or wife you still use words like bastard or bitch or something darker and more obnoxious. Why is that?
A woman doesn’t leave on a whim.
A man doesn’t leave on a whim.
They leave because of something they feel their partner is doing, isn’t giving them, isn’t fulfilling them and they can no longer live with it. Does a man really run off with another woman? He finds in another woman what his wife is refusing to give him. Affection? Love? Interest? Play? Conversation? Gifts? Life? Children? Whatever makes him tick, he isn’t getting what he feels his deepest soul needs. His need have not been met. He didn’t go because he didn’t love her, he went because his needs were not fulfilled. Has your husband left you? Have you accepted you were 50% of the problem. Does that suggestion fill you with rage? If you can’t recover the reason is this – you haven’t accepted (as hard as it is) you were HALF of the problem. If he was genuinely happy and fulfilled, he would still be with you. This is tough love, and until you accept it you will live a sad life of bitter betrayal blaming others for your misfortune. Good table chit-chat I know. Waste of your life, truly!
Do you really want to be happy? Let go of the past and accept your part. Does a woman really run off with another man? No, she is the same, unfulfilled and her needs are not being met at some level. Love? Home? Car? Kids? Freedom? Space? What? She loved you, she was patient with you but you never gave her what she needed. You left her unfulfilled, she had needs and you ignored her deepest call. You still go out and talk about that bitch, her selfishness and the way she vanished after all those years. You still go out and talk about the bastard that hurt you and betrayed you and how you will never deal with each other again. Yet the answer is really simple, to simple for most. For you to accept you were also 50% part of the breakdown means this: you have to look at yourself in a painful way that hurts like hell. You will have to accept a part of you that you don’t want to face, a part of you that keeps surfacing, the darker side, the weakness, the part you hate! Yet by not accepting that part of you, you can never grow as a human being. You can never repair and recover. You can never say goodbye to the pain remnant and grab hold of the new life set before you. It hurts, it’s sore but if you are still talking about that bastard bitch … you know that’s a lie but it supports you and allows you to not face the painful part of your character that eventually let you down.
Before they became that single abusive hurtful word you feel encapsulates them today can you remember who they were when you fell in love with them? How things were great, how life seemed sunny, shiny and happy? You know the lie you cling on to is for one reason only, it’s to cover the part of you, you don’t want to face. This isn’t just divorce or relationship breakdown. This covers all parts of your life. You will have deeply ingrained part of you that you hate, you despise, the part you don’t want to face but only when you face that part can you recover fully and move on and regain your life into something incredible.
Do you want to be happy again?
Do this, replace the one word you use for your ex-husband or wife and replace it with a word of truth that you know they really are. Vow that you will never use that word again, lock it away for ever and remove it from any conversation at anytime with anyone. When you hear others talking about your bastard bitch remind them that they had changed yes but at one time you were the prefect couple. Remind yourself of the years of good things, the smile, the fun, the times together. Some that have been through this will have an almost braking effect taking place in their brain. Is that you? If it is you live a life of fear and denial. You are denying yourself. To deny yourself means you deny yourself of future happiness.
There’s only one real bastardBitch before, during and after divorce. They call called themselves lawyers. BASTARDS! Every storm brings the sun, never forget that. Life is like a book, packed with many chapters. It’s your book, you write the chapters. Once your life has gone you can’t look back and re-write chapters. Let go, move on, accept the part of you, you don’t want to or remain stuck in a painful past until the day you are buried. Did you get the new man of your dreams? Did you get the new woman of your dreams? If you haven’t that’s because you can’t attract that yet and won’t. You are giving out an attraction force of bitterness towards men or woman that can be smelt like a rat. If you are attracting new people they will be as bitter and as hurt as yourself. That is a problem. If you marry them, you will probably divorce them. Why? Because you never faced the part of you that created the breakdwon in the first place. Interesting right? To attract the partner of your dreams you must have dreams and remove your nightmares!
Do you have an opinion on divorce? Share it with me, I’d love to hear what you think. Or are you in such a rage 20 years later you can barely read this article and feel like smashing up your PC because you don’t agree why she or he left you? If that’s the case you have a problem that needs to be addressed. Let me know.
Alan Forrest Smith